Have you ever found yourself at work or school or uni, or whatever, asking yourself, 'Why am I doing this?'

 

I have to admit that I'm not a very good 'big picture' person. I tend to get side-tracked by what's happening in the present and smaller details of things a lot of the time. I think it's part of being a bit of a control freak and perfectionist too. I tend to concentrate more on the things I have some control over because they make me less uncomfortable.

 

I'm feeling in that frame of the mind a bit about uni at the moment. The 'why am I doing this?' Not that I don't like my course or that I don't want the job, I just think it's that time of semester. Lots of assignments are due in the next couple of weeks but working up the motivation to do them is hard. It starts to feel like uni is taking up so much time and energy without getting much in return that I start to ask myself why I', committing so much to it. Of course I know in the back of my mind that it's worth it. I want to be an OT, I think that once I find the right job in the field it will be awesome. But that's the 'big picture' stuff that starts to get blurred when you're reading the assignment question for the 6th time.

 

I guess everyone asks themself this question at some point about many different areas of their lives you know. I think that generally we're pretty good with stuff that gives us immediate feedback but not so good with stuff that takes time and where feedback is a long time in coming.

 

Maybe that's why Christians have crises of faith at different points in our lives. We start to lose sight of the big picture, sometimes even of the reason we are here. We get caught up in the little things of life because they are the most immediate. It's an interesting thought.

 

I guess the underlying theme in the question 'why am I doing this' and the thing that keeps us going when we ask it (whatever we are asking it about) is hope. We hope that one day the study will get us where we are going, one day we'll get that promotion, one day we'll meet that person who will take our breath away, one day things will be better and we'll smile again.

 

Life without hope isn't really much of a life I don't think. When everything else is gone, hope can sustain you. It's amazing really, since it's not even a tangible thing.

 

Maybe that's why I'm here, that's why I'm doing this study. Because I want to be able to work in a job where I can instill hope in people. Where I can help those that have lost hope find it again. I just hope I'm up to the challenge.

 

I think my thoughts just ran away with me then but you probably get the picture. That's what it's like to be in my head some days, random and fast and crazy. But you get used to it, well, sort of.

 

Jess  :)

I was reading the back of a book at work the other day trying to decide which shelf it should live on. I can't remember exactly what it said but it was something along the lines of needing to change how the present day church does church because the 18-30s age group just aren't attending anymore. It said that we need to change with the times and provide them with something that they can relate to.

 

Did I miss something? If the church is going about the business of spreading the news about God and Jesus then we don't need to change it. Maybe we need to look back to the roots of what the church is rather than trying to find another 'new' way of doing things. I mean the message of a God who loves us and who died for us and desires relationship with us isn't any less relevant today than when Jesus walked the earth. We don't need to offer a flashy show or 'cool' music to 'lure' people into church. We just need to speak to their hearts.

 

We need to offer them the hope and the message that Jesus brought when he came to earth. Maybe we just need to get back to basics.

 

What's inside doesn't change just because the packaging does. If we do what Jesus called us to do, without getting side-tracked by our own agenda, then we should be fine right?

 

I don't think any of us will ever figure out how to do church the 'right' way. But I don't think the answer is a new marketing ploy or a new package for people to buy into.

 

I'm not meaning to imply that that's what this book was saying but a lot of the time that's what it feels like people try to do. Still, I hope we never give up trying to get it right.

 

Still pondering...

 

Jess  :)

I'm sure I had something to write in here but as soon as I find the time do you think I can remember what I wanted to say? No. It's so frustrating! Maybe I have writer's block. Wait, then I'd have to be a writer wouldn't I? Well I guess that doesn't work. Perhaps I have a dodgy connection in my brain? That could be it, it would explain a lot.

 

Argh, if only I could access the part of my memory that holds the information that I want.

 

Ahh well, maybe it will come back to me later. At the moment my brain is full of information about OCD cause I have been working on a case study assignment for my mental health unit at uni. Perhaps after I chill for a bit other things will be able make their way to the front of my brain again.

 

Sigh.

 

Jess  :)

I went to see 'The Devil Wears Prada' the other night. I didn't have high expectations for the movie but it turned out to be a pretty darn good movie. It was a chick flick though guys.

 

So basically the main character wants to be a journalist but knows that she needs to take a lesser job first. So she ends up working as an assistant for the editor-in-chief for a fashion magazine. This girl knows nothing about fashion and thinks models are stupid. But after working there for a while she realises that if she's going to survive in the job she's got to make some effort about getting to know about fashion and the world that revolves around it.

 

As the movie progresses she gets more and more involved in the world of fashion until she starts to change. Her job becomes her life. Her friends notice, her family notice, but she doesn't. Not until she starts to feel everything around her start to slip and change and become chaotic. Once she realises what has happened she walks away. She decides that making it in her career is not worth losing who she is and changing what she truly values.

 

I just sat in the movie and thought, 'yeah, you know what relationships and being a decent person is way more important than career. Your job makes you money and provide you with a sense of accomplishment (hopefully) but it shouldn't define who you are.' Of course this is coming from my perspective. Some people are quite happy for their career to be the most important thing in their life. But I guess if that's the case then you have to decide how much you're willing to give up and what you're willing to do to get ahead.

 

I just want a job that I enjoy going to, a job where I can feel like I am making a difference. I don't need to be at the top, I don't need to be brilliant, but I do want to be competent. Maybe that means that I have no ambition, or maybe it just means that career isn't at the top of my list of important things.

 

Something to think about I guess.

 

Jess   :)

Hello to anyone who may still be reading this blog. I haven't been very good at keeping it up to date lately but I promise that I will work to fix that. On the bright side it seems that I get a stack of comments when I don't write for a while.  :)

 

Anyway, a few weeks ago now I turned the big 2-1! I don't actually feel any different. No wiser, no older, pretty much the same. But I did get to have an awesome party! So I'm gonna tell you all about it, just cause I can.

 

Preparations started at around 9am in the morning. First on the agenda was some cleaning so that it was out the way and the more exciting preparations could get underway. Well that and the fact that I tend to spread my stuff all over the house and I had to collect it and put it all back in my room. Then there was the typical vacuuming, whiping down of benches, moving of furniture, that sort of thing.

 

After the cleaning there was food shopping. I had a coffee and dessert party and I wanted to cook stuff so we had to go get some igredients and extra food. Once we got home and unpacked everything I got stuck into baking. I love making desserts cause you can be a bit creative with them. So for the entire afternoon I did just that, I made desserts. It was fun actually, except for the dishes!

 

Around 6.30ish I started getting ready in amoungst finishing off cooking stuff. I actually even bought a dress for the party. Which is pretty amazing since I rarely wear dresses (pretty much the only other times in the last few years has been to weddings).

 

People started to arrive right on 7.30 and the party began.

 

Now, when you send out party invitations you never really quite realise just how many people you have invited to come to it. I mean I knew that I had invited a fair amount of people but until they were all standing in my house I didn't realise just how many. I was so chuffed with how many people came along to help me celebrate and I felt so loved! I'm not just saying that either. I really felt honoured that people wanted to help me celebrate.

 

Matt and Bec were awesome slaving away making coffee. And even going to get another coffee machine when the first one started making funny noises and producing odd smells. Thanks guys!

 

It was just great to chat to everyone and catch up with some people that I hadn't seen for ages. Even though I didn't get to talk to anyone for very long I had a blast. I also got absolutely spoiled!

 

I wish I'd seen all the cars parked out the front though. Everyone who came a little bit later asked me if I had seen them all, I imagine it was quite funny to see all those cars parked along our street.

 

So thanks to everyone who came out to help me celebrate. You spoiled me rotten and made it a fantastic night! One I won't forget.

 

As soon as I can I shall add photos to the album.

 

Jess  :)

That's right avid readers (assuming that there are actually any) I'm back from the place where computers are not allowed. Perhaps I should start from the beginning?

 

After spending many many hours at the computer writing up study notes I ended up with a very painful shoulder (wait, did I already blog about that?) so I was banned from the computer for a week, which turned into 2. Hence the no blogging. Well, that and the fact that I've been on prac & working so that I've not really had the opportunity to blog.

 

So, taking into account my previous entry & the fact that prac is pretty important, you can probably imagine some of the feeling & thoughts that have been hanging around for the past couple of weeks for me. Mostly prac has been really good & I am learning a heap. But it's also tough and confronting & just, well, hard. There's so much to wrap your head around & it's exhausting. Plus I never really feel like I know what I'm doing. But I suppose you get that huh.

 

Other than that life is pretty good. I feel like I have no idea where anyone else is at though cause I've been so busy. So feel free to let me know what you're up to, what you're thinking, whatever. You can also feel free to have no contact whatsoever if you want.

 

Hurrah for the long weekend (I get a 2 day weekend, how great is that!?).

 

Jess   :)

 

P.S. The title is the title of a song, I haven't taken up singing as a career. I'm not in that league.

In light of exams and the invevitable unease and, yes, stress that they bring I was thinking about what really scares me the other day. I managed to boil everything down to one simple thing that is at the centre of all my fears, I think.

 

I am afraid of failure. It is the one thing, in all areas of my life, that petrifies me.

 

Now some people see failure as part of the learning curve. It's true, I know that there will be things that I'm not good at, things that I just can't do. Or things that will take me a while to get the hang of. Some people can put that down to learning and move on. I guess the aspect of failure that scares me is that I will somehow fail at the things that I really care about, or the things that matter most.

 

Then again there are things that terrify other people that don't really scare me that much at all. I guess most people are afraid of death, it used to scare me but it doesn't so much anymore. I mean, I'm afraid of the pain of dying, but I'm not so much worried about the death process, if that makes any sense.

 

We're all afraid of something. We all deal with what we're afraid of in different ways. But I guess that all of us walk around with this feeling deep down inside that what we fear the most just may happen. I guess that's what come of living in a fallen world. Most of the time we're pretty good at hiding it, but every now and then, something in the facade that we put up cracks, and the raw fear deep inside us somewhere shows through. I'm just glad that I have somewhere to turn when that happens.

 

Jess  :)

I don't really have anything to blog about. Unless you would like to hear about assessments in hand therapy or tendon or nerve rehab in hand therapy... I didn't think so.

 

I have an exam in the morning and then one on Wednesday. I can't wait until they are over. I don't want to whinge about exams cause I always seem to complain about uni stuff (along with everything else) but I really don't like them. They take up a week or two of your life, drain all the energy out of you and then keep you in suspense for a couple of weeks while you wait to get your marks back. Then if you have to sit a sup you get to go through it all over again (thank goodness that hasn't happened yet). Plus I always go into them thinking that I can't remember anything and worrying that my brain will just freeze up. These two are hard as well.

 

Ok, so I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do, shame. But I guess that's where my brain is at the moment. On Wednesday it will be immersed in the wonderful world of assessment and intervention in paediatric occupational therapy. Still, it could be worse, I could have 4 or 5 exams.

 

Ok, enough from me, I'm going to get some sleep. Ahhhh, sleep.

 

Jess  :)

I feel like a bad blogger. I haven't written on here for ages. I guess in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter cause if you really think about it blogs are more for the benefit of the people writing them than the people reading them but still...

 

I guess at least I have a decent excuse (of course). With exams starting next week and an assignment due after having a massive assignment due last week things have been pretty hectic. As a result I have spent a lot of time on the computer but very little on reading or writing blogs. Plus my brain has been full of OT stuff so I haven't been able to form anything evern remotely like a blog entry.

 

So this is pretty much just an entry to let anyone who still actually reads this that I am still alive, I still have access to the internet. It's just time that's a factor currently. But since when is that new huh?

 

Mmm, time to get away from computers for a little while I think.

 

Jess   :)

I was thinking the other day (no it didn't hurt) about heaps of random stuff and something that came up has stuck with me so I thought I may as well blog about it since I am way overdue for an entry.

 

It's actually something about the life of Jesus. Even after all these years of growing up hearing about Bible stories and God and Jesus I am still amazed when I sit and think about some of the basic stuff that I believe.

 

Jesus lived His life for other people. Now that seems like a pretty simple, harmless phrase, but think about what it really means. It means putting other people and what they need and want before your own needs and wants. I don't know about you but I'm not very good at that.

 

Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in my own busy-ness and drama that I forget things that were important to a friend or I only half-listen when someone is telling me something important. Or I snap at people when I don't mean to because I'm tired from trying to do too much.

 

To live your entire life for other people, caring about them more than  you do about yourself. Thinking about them and their struggles more than you do about yourself. Making their lives better even if it makes yours worse. Then proceeding to lose that life so that you can save theirs.

 

Amazing!

 

Jess  :)

So the big day finally arrived. The day of Naomi and Smithy's wedding, the 15th April, 2006. 18 months or so of planning came together for a really great day. Let me tell you the story...

 

Us girls got up at 6am since we had to be at the hair dresser's at 7:30am to get our hair and make-up done. We were there until about 10:45am. Once we were all 'done up' we headed back to Naomi's parents' house and got into our dresses to await the arrival of the photographers. They turned up about 20mins after we did so we were ready just in time. I think that they had just come from taking photos of the boys. Anyhoo, we had the first round of photos for the day taken. While the photographers headed off to the church we sat around for a while waiting for the cars to arrive. While we were waiting Naomi's brothers, nephew and her brother's partner arrived.

 

When the cars got there we got in and headed off to the church. We almost got pulled over by the police on the way there for a random breath test, until they saw the bride. We arrived right on time and the photographers got shots of Naomi in the car, getting out of the car and going into the church.

 

Then the ceremony happened and it was beautiful. The boys looked fantastic in their suits. The church looked great (beautiful flowers) and Presty, Ash and Nikki did a great job of the musical side of things. Once the official part was finished there was morning tea in the hall and we got to talk with all the peoples who turned up at the wedding. The photographers set up outside to take family photos and even a photo of our cell group.

 

After the photos and mingling were done we headed off to East Perth to have yet more photographs taken. It was actually kinda fun. We had an esky of drinks and we just kinda wandered around and did what the photographers told us to. Most of the photos were or Naomi and Smithy anyways so we kinda just hung out. Whenever there was somewhere that might serve as a seat Bec and I took full advantage to get off our killer heels.

 

After a couple of hours of smiling for the cameras we headed on over to the Hyatt to get ready for the reception. We hung out in Naomi and Smithy's room for a bit before heading down for a few more photos. Then it was back up to the room to hang out a bit before actually making our way down to the reception.

 

Now I have to say that the room at the Hyatt was beautifully decorated. And thanks to entrusting my camera to Ash I have photos of every corner of it. The food was great and even the speeches were good. I had to dance, yes, but only one dance so it wasn't too bad. All in all it was a great day that left me thoroughly stuffed when I woke up the next morning.

 

Since a picture paints a thousand words I will stop waffling now and upload some photos so you can all see for yourselves. Enjoy.

 

Jess   :) 

Well I don't really have anything of consequence to say (kinda like normal) but I felt bad that I had been neglecting my blog a bit lately so I thought I'd just post something a bit random.

 

Unfortunately I don't even have anything very random to post so... Hello to whoever is taking the time to read this and I hope you have a good day.

 

Jess  :)

So there are two questions left to answer from my question blog. One from Tanya and one from Brad.

 

Tanya asked if I thought she was cool. My answer to that question is yes! It's always fun when Tanya's around, she's great.  :)

 

Brad, being Brad, asked if I poo. No Brad, I'm one of those people who never has anything for their bowels to empty. Of course I do! Arrghhh, I think I should have used my right to refuse to answer the question on that one but oh well.

 

So that concludes the question answering, unless you would like to post others, mostly it's up to whoever takes the time to read my random babblings.

 

Jess  :)

I was at work on Saturday and since we've just had a sale it was pretty busy. We hadn't been open for long and were still running around (not literally) getting ready for what we assumed would be another busy day when someone who I thought looked kinda familiar walked in...

 

Since I was kinda tired (what with the sale and all) and I didn't have my glasses on I couldn't quite tell if it was who I thought it was. Plus I had only met them once and then seen photos so yeah. Anyhoo I was trying to determined whether this was the person I thought it was without appearing to be a stalker...

 

So when they were standing near the counter I decided to just ask. Turns out I was right.  It was friend of a friend of a friend and fellow blogger Leith. I randomly met him at a friend's 21st 2 years ago and stumbled onto his blog through Kezza's cause she found mine on Jono's since I used to work with him...

 

It was random but cool!

 

Isn't the world a small place. Well, at least isn't Perth a small place.

 

Jess  :)

Conference was a lot of fun! I mean it was tiring, but fun. Maybe I should start at the beginning hey.

 

I left Perth at 5:30pm-ish on Mon 20th March headed towards Brisbane with about 8 other people from SUWA. By the time we touched down it was about 11:30pm in Brisbane. We got our luggage and got onto the bus that was waiting to take us to Alexandria Park Conference Centre (on the Sonshine coast between Mooloolaba and Maroochydore) where we arrived at 2am on Tuesday morning. Some of the people from WA had arrived earlier that day and we woke them up when we arrived, oops.

 

We were up the next morning at 7am-ish for breakfast at 7:30am. After brekkie we wandered up the road to check out the shopping and the beach. We arrived back at the conference centre in time for lunch.

 

I got a bit sunburnt on the first day. The reason my title says 'Sunshine? Coast' is because the first half of Tues was like the only time that there was a decent amount of sunshine the entire time that I was there. Mostly it was overcast and there was a bit of rain. It was mostly due to the cyclone that hit Northern QLD the day or so before we arrived. Apparently there was sunshine on Sat and Sun after I left. But hey, I miss winter so I kinda liked the weather we got.

 

After lunch on Tues we attend the SU Hub. This is basically where people from the same ministry areas around Australia get together to talk about stuff, yes, stuff. The conference officially began that afternoon so people gradually turned up during the day.

 

The next few days consisted of listening to some great speakers on various topics to do with youth and children's ministries and basically all the stuff that SU does. We had leisure time in the afternoons. One of which I spent writing assignments, one shopping, one just chatting and walking down to the beach.

 

It was a great, hectic time away. I got to meet a bunch of new people. A lot of the sessions got me thinking and there is just something great about community living for a bit. After the night sessions people just sat around chatting or reading or playing cards or whatever. One night I got to have a bit of a jam with the guys from Tassie, it was cool.

 

The place where we stayed was really nice. There are some photos in my photo album so you can have a look-see.

 

My flight home was supposed to leave Brisbane at 7:05pm on Friday night and arrive in Perth at 10:30pm Perth time. There was a problem with the PA system on the plane so we had to get a new one and I ended up arriving in Perth at 12:15am on Saturday morning.

 

I forgot to change the time on my phone so my alarm went of at 7:30am Perth time on Sat morning. I had to be at work by 12 and I needed to do some shopping so tiredness factor aside it was probably a good thing. We started stocktake at work at 12 and I left at 1pm to go to a wedding then went back after the wedding to finish off stocktake.

 

On Sun I got to church about an hour late, went to cell group and then came home to finish up my assignment that was due on Monday. I had to be at uni at 8am on Monday morning.

 

This week has been a pretty standard week except for the whole having 2 assignments due thing. Oh, and I went out with some friends for dinner on Mon night cause one of them turned 21 on Tues. It was great!

 

That pretty much catches you up I think. Now I'm off to get some sleep.

 

Jess  :)

 

P.S. I will answer more of the questions people posted, hopefully tomorrow sometime.

Rodney asked where I see myself 10 years from now...

 

I have to say I don't often sit down and think that far ahead. At the moment I'm just focussed on getting through uni. So mostly I think about the next 2 years. 10 years is a long time, in 10 years I'll be turning 31.

 

I guess ideally I see myself as having had some success as an Occupational Therapist. And by success I mean finding a job that I enjoy and that makes a difference to someone.

 

I hope that in 10 years I am a wife and mother. But that's something that I have little to no control over. It's all in God's timing (which is hard for me to deal with a lot of the time).

 

I don't know where I will be living but I'd like to have done some travelling.

 

I guess if kids are in the picture by then and they are old enough to be in school I'd like to be working part time. Maybe not even as an OT, but doing something that I enjoy. Maybe something a bit creative or artsy (although I'm not sure that things like drawing, painting and writing wouldn't lose some of their appeal if they were 'work').

 

So I guess the answer is that I don't know where I see myself in 10 years. There are too many variables and at this stage I am just trying to get through this week.

 

Wish me luck (or peace, or trusting the week to God fully, or something).

 

Jess  :)

 

P.S. I'm off to QLD for an SU conference tomorrow so this may be my last post for a few days depending on a few factors.

Does anyone with more technical knowledge than myself (which wouldn't be hard) know how you can move pictures around to where you want them to be placed in a blog entry? On MSN spaces that is. Is it possible or do you just have to live with where they end up?

 

Jess  :)

Kezza asked me what my favourite CD I own is.

 

Ok, this is kinda a tough question seeing as I have quite a few CDs up my sleeve (not literally). But I shall try my best.

 

Oh, I can't pick one so I'm gonna go with 2 favourites, sorry Kezza.

 

I really like the 'Music Inspired by the Chronicles of Narnia' CD that I got for Christmas. The songs are pretty cool and it's by a bunch of different artists so there's a good variety of styles. The fact that it was an unexpected Christmas present and that it still feels pretty new probably adds to it's appeal.

 

My other favourite would have to be 'Invitation to Evesdrop' by Shaun Groves. The lyrics to the songs are just really good and you can tell that when he wrote them he didn't hold back. The melody lines are great and I can sing along so that gives it big bonus points. It's just a really honest CD, and I like it.

 

I can't pick between the two, and if you asked me tomorrow I may have changed my mind. But for now, that's my answer.

 

Jess  :)

Megz asked if I like fairy bread...

 

Megz, I believe we have had this conversation before. Or at least Nikki told you of my feelings when it comes to fairy bread. But for the benefit of the rest of the class, I will answer again.  :)

 

I really like fairy bread! Maybe I just didn't eat enough of it at those kiddie parties you go to when you're a little. Or maybe I just haven't grown up yet? Maybe it's me trying to hold onto my childhood. Who cares, the point is that it tastes good!

 

Jess  :)

 

P.S. I'll answer more questions tomorrow as a constructive assignment writing procrastination technique.

 

P.P.S Tomorrow I'm gonna make fairy bread then add a picture to this post, yay! (I know it's sad but hey)

Following Rodney's lead, I'm opening my blog up to questions. So if you have any questions about me (or anything you think I might know the answer to) ask away.

 

I reserve the right not to answer questions that I think are dodgy. But it's pretty safe to say that I will answer most of em.

 

Jess  :)